Zombie Boot Camp: Week Three

I made it to week three in Zombie Boot Camp!

I walked into class worried about what challenges I would face but little did I know, I did everything with ease. Woot!

When the class started it became apparent that I was going to be the only girl to attend against 4 hardcore guys. Two guys came in wearing high school football gym shirts and matching shorts. I will admit I was pretty intimidated. While we were stretching, I touched my toes, bent my knees, twisted from side to side and I was done with stretching. These guys where on the ground doing stretches that I thought would break their penises. At one point I kind of cringed.

When it was time to do our regular warm-ups of running laps, knee lifts and jumping jacks, this week’s class warm-up song was Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now. I love my instructor’s music choices!

Our first circuit consisted of:

Trampoline jumps
Squat thrusts
Pull ups
Sit Ups
Squat Jumps
Running in place then dropping when the instructor yells “DROP!” then back up again.

For our second circuits we did:

Running to the end of the gym then back
Suspended Push ups
Bosu ball jumps
Swing a big ass, heavy rope up and down and side to side
Throwing weighted ball side to side
Running shuffles to the end of the gym and back

By this time last week I was dead, this week, I was ready to keep going.

Survival prep circuits:

Standing in between a circle of punching bag and punching and kicking all around
Bear Crawl
Swinging a weighed bat at head level
Sledgehammering a tire
Kicking a punching bag that’s on the floor in the “face”

We were supposed to do those circuits twice but in the middle of the first circuit the guys needed a break. The two football guys walked out and we had to pick up where we left off without them. Once we were done only one came back. Another one bites the dust and I still hung in there!

We only did half a circuit then did our cool down while listening to Johnathan Coulton, our anthem.

My Survival Chances: Awesome! I don’t want to gloat but when an athletic person leaves the class while I’m still hungry for more zombie slaying, speaks highly for me. I definitely stepped up my game from last week. I represented chicks very well and if zombies attacked, I’d be so ready. Rawr!

I’m really disappointed that I only have one class left. Next week we have off for Thanksgiving then the final class. But like going to school, I’m going to take what I learn into the real world.

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Zombie Boot Camp: Week Two

Last week I struggled with the class but then I thought that I’d get the hang of it and do each circuit with ease. Fuck, was I wrong.

Yesterday’s class only consist of 2 other people, not even throw up guy came back to redeem himself.

I practiced the crab walk at home in the tiny free space in my apartment and I finally was able to balance myself up and walk my hands and legs backwards. This was big for me since I can’t even walk backwards standing up straight Well you know what? We didn’t do crab walks! Even better, I found out that the “10 pound” baseball bat I was using last week was really the “20 pound” one. Shesh. I wasn’t as weak as I thought I was.

So I thought we would just do the same circuits again and so on but I was so wrong. So painfully wrong.

For the cardio warm-up we did the usual laps around the gym, knee lifts and jumping jacks while listening to Destiny’s Child Survivor.

For our circuits we had to:

Jump on a trampoline

Run in place

Get into the center punching bags and kick them all and keep the swinging one from touching you. (In case you are surrounded by a horde of zombies)

Drag a sled holding a 50 pound weight around the room then pull it in to you then walk it back again

Sledgehammer a tire

Bounce off a bosu ball

Pick up a 25 pound sandbag lift it over your head then touch the ground, repeat


Bear crawling with a resistant band holding you back

Holding a plank position

Hitting the ground with a baseball bat (I used the 10 pound this time)

Swinging a 50 pound medicine ball side to side against a wall

Throwing weighed yoga balls against a wall running to get them and repeat

Suspended push ups

Sit ups

Then we repeated the bear crawl, sledgehammer, bosu ball, medicine ball, yoga ball throws, push ups, punching bags and baseball as a circuit followed by our cool down.

Everything hurt. Last week was rough but this week was rough times three! It’s been 24 hours later and my shoulders, legs and arms ache. It’s a good ache but still, ouch.

I’m scared to know what I’ll be put through again on Saturday. I won’t be surprised if I have to run laps while holding a cow and dodging bullets. Either way, I think I’m improving.

My Survival Chances: I think I’m better than I was last week but I still have a long way to go to get to awesome. If I were in a horror movie, I would be the chick that didn’t seem like she would be able to fight off the zombies but being put in the situation where staying alive mattered, she would gain the courage and strength she needed to kick ass.

So maybe that means instead of sucking, I’m just cruising by which is still better than sucking.

I’m on my way to getting to a Buffy status.

Zombie Boot Camp: Week One

Today was my very first “Zombie Preparedness Fitness Class.”

I read about what the class was going to be like and I mentally prepared myself for everything that I was going to do but man, I still wasn’t really to have my mildly active ass killed.

I walk my dogs around the block, every now and them I’ll do running spurts to get them revved up and every now and then, on rare occasions, I’ll go to the gym and hit the treadmill, elliptical and weights. Apparently none of that matter in the world of zombie training.

The building was tucked away amongst other high rise building on Chicago’s Michigan Ave. It was hard for me to find at first so I came into class about 5 minutes late. As I walked in, The Cranberrries’ Zombie was blasting on a stereo and everyone was running in a circle in the gym. I introduced myself to the instructor then started doing laps. After that followed jumping jacks. After that we had to walk to the end of the gym doing knee lifts but we told to “walk like a zombie” when we did it. Some people moaned and chanted for brains.

I felt like I was doing great during that warm-up.

Then came the most challenging part. The cardio circuits. I shudder as I write that. We had to pair up, which I was paired with the teacher being in a class where everyone knew each other. The circuits were 3 different variations of pull-up machines (in case you fall through the floor boards of a house and have to pull yourself up), jumping over and running through hurdles, jumping on a trampoline with knees high then finally push-ups. While one person did one of the those circuits, the partner would be on the side doing things like running, crab walks, jumping jacks and knee lifts.

After doing those circuits, it hurt to breathe! I thought I was in pretty bad shape but one guy threw up and had to sit out for the rest of the class.

Next we were moved to another room for another round of non-cardio circuits. This is where the real survival training began.

These circuits were:

jumping over small hurdles, swinging a 10 pound baseball at “head level,” jump rope, beating a tire in with a sledge hammer , running through hoops, kicking a punching bag, then getting on the floor and punching a bag in the “face and head.”

I partnered with the girl whose guy threw up and she was really into it. She yelled and grunted loudly the whole time. During our baseball bat swings, I swear she was having an orgasm. Everyone stopped what they were doing to look. I was slightly embarrassed.

We did another circuit then did a cool-down session while listening to

Jonathan Coulton’s Your Brains

I signed up to do the full program so I’m excited for the next one (Though I know I’ll feel it in the morning and won’t be too excited then.)

My Survival Chances: Out look not so good. I’m glad I made it all the way through, and I didn’t throw up but the pull-ups were difficult. First of all being 5’0 it was hard for to get up on the machines. I couldn’t position myself correctly and I felt like a dork.

My ass weighed me down and I couldn’t do a proper “crab walk” I literally dragged myself across the floor.

And finally the bat might as well weighed 100 pounds, I sucked at swinging. I had to hold the bat more up than on the actual handle.

So upper body strength will be my fall when the zombies attack. I do believe that will improve by each class so I’m looking forward to swinging that bat by the handle by the last week.

So right now, if I were attacked by a zombie, I rule and kicking but if I have to crab walk myself to safety, I’m so dead!

I’m hoping to up my chances next week!