My Own Shark Week: The Reef

 


The Reef is a based on true events retelling of a group of friends sailing to a coral reef in Indonesia.

 


The group find themselves in distress when their yacht hits a reef, leaving them capsized. They think that the best way to survive is to swim to a nearby island that is guestimated to be about 12 miles away. At first it seemed like a good plan but they soon find out that a great white shark is stalking them!

 

Yes, stalking. The same exact shark is stalking them throughout a 24 hour period.

 

The shark hunts the crew looking for chances to take them out…one by one.  I’m not making this up.

 

The Reef is a terrifying shark story that reminisces of Open Water and Jaws The Revenge.

 


Open Water didn’t capture the intensity of what it would be like to have a shark brutally attack you but it’s done frighteningly well in The Reef.

 

The thing that does bother me about The Reef is that I have trouble believing that one shark would clock in a full day into “stalking” people. I can’t even handle it happening in Jaws The Revenge so of course I can’t deal with it being in a “ true story” setting. I think the survivor made that up for attention (I kid, I kid…but not really)

 

According to The Discovery Channel “sharks do not normally hunt humans, but if they do attack, it is usually a case of mistaken identity.” So you’d like to think after the first taste of the first victim, the shark would think “Dude, gross, I can’t believe I just put that in my mouth!” then move on. But no, in this particular case, the shark ferociously went after this group of people.
 
 

 

Maybe this shark is a different breed that craves humans and thinks they taste better when they are scared and tired. I don’t know his life! I would like to think that if that was the case, it would be extremely rare.

 

 

The Reef delivers on thrilling moments but I wanted to be sold on the reality aspect of the events. I wanted yet another reason to fear the water but instead I got a story about a shark stalking people like a serial killer.  


My Own Shark Week: My Favorite Ridiculous Shark Scenes


As a part of My Own Shark Week, I took a break from watching ridiculous shark movies. I started to think about all the ridiculous shark related scenes in movies and tv shows. 

So here is a list of some of my favorite shark scenes.



Shark vs Zombie

The thing I feared most about the water is that there are a lot of unknown creatures in there. There’s stingrays, piranhas and of course sharks. It wasn’t until I watched Fulci’s Zombie did I learn that zombies hide out in the water too! 

Being a dead, flesh eater gives you a mighty, courageous pair of balls. This zombie starts a fight with a shark. Who does that?!




My Super Ex Girlfriend


I wouldn’t mind having the chance to punch an ex in the face. If I had the chance, I pick up a giant shark and throw it at him! But alas, I’m not a superhero chick getting back at her ex….yet…..

Jaws 3-D 

I feel sorry for birds that fly into glass windows. I do not feel sorry for stupid sharks that swim into glass windows.





Austin Powers

You know what’s more scarier than sharks?

How about sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads!


Deep Blue Sea


I always believed if you were out of the water, sharks couldn’t get you.

Oh was I wrong. Very, very wrong!




Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus


Again, being out of the water doesn’t keep you safe from sharks…




Shark Attack 3:Megalodon 

….You’re not even safe on a fast jet ski!




Sharknado 

I couldn’t make a ridiculous shark list without mentioning the new, instant classic, Shark/Tornado mash up….Sharknado! *insert echo here*





Saturday Night Live: Landshark 


I don’t like opening my door to strangers and now that I know one of them could be a shark… I’ll probably never leave my house ever again!



Happy Days: Fonzie Jumps the Shark

Fonzie can get any chick he wants, turn on jukeboxes by elbowing them in the face and he can make a crowd go wild just by saying “Ayyyyeeee”

The man fears nothing so why not do something randomly stupid like jumping over a shark…Ayyyeeee.


I would love to believe that none of the ridiculous situations above are possible. But it does open my mind to the possibilities that one day, they can be possible! Dun dun dunnnn.



My Own Shark Week: Jaws The Revenge

 
 
Jaws set the tone for the universal fear of all things sharks.
 
Did we even care about sharks before seeing this film?
 
As a hit film, surely sequels were bound to happen. The follow up Jaws film was not as great as the first but it was still good. The third one was dumb but fun but the last one… Why, just why?
 

Jaws the Revenge focuses on Ellen Brody, the widow of shark killer Martin Brody.
 
When one of her sons died from an “accident” in the water (a shark totally ate him) Ellen jets off to hang with her remaining son in the Bahamas.
 
 
When she arrives she gets the sense that maybe a shark followed her all the way from New England.
 
 
Well, that’s exactly what happened!
 
 
A shark decided to declare open season on The Brody’s. It had a plan to take out Ellen’s family leaving her last to die. For real, it mapped out a plan to do this!
 
 
You can’t teach a shark the difference between a seal and a surfer yet, if you mess with its family, it will mess with yours!
 
 
Wtf?
 
 
This should have been called “Jaws 4: This time it’s personal”
 
 
Anyway, this movie does have some redeeming qualities. Michael Caine is in it and well, yeah I guess that’s about all it has going for it.
 
 
 
I don’t what makes this movie more ridiculous, the plot, the shark actually “roaring” or all the continuity issue.
 
 
It’s too bad the Jaws saga ended in shame.
 
 

My Own Shark Week: Deep Blue Sea

 


As Shark Week continues I decided to watch Deep Blue Sea before settling down to watch the doc “Voodoo Shark.”


Deep Blue Sea isn’t an outrageously ridiculous shark movie but it’s got L.L. Cool J in it so it kind of counts. Amiright?!?


A remote aquatic laboratory harbors a team scientists experimenting on sharks in search for a cure to Alzheimer’s.

Apparently sharks don’t suffer from memory loss so the team wants to explore the mind of their testing sharks, all while sticking with an ethics code.


The financial backers are skeptical that a cure can be produced so a representative visits the lab to make sure everything is on the up and up.

Of course the day he visits is the day the sharks decide to wreck havoc and overcome all humans!


 

It’s revealed the one scientist didn’t want to work with stupid sharks with small, dumb brains. She broke the genetics code to make the sharks’ brains bigger, which then made them smarter and more dangerous.

 

Scientists are supposed to smart, logical people, right?


 

The three mega smart Mako sharks plot to take down the lab and reach the freedom of…the Deep Blue Sea.

 

Yeah, I can’t believe I typed that either.

 

I will admit that I really like Deep Blue Sea. It’s inventive and thrilling plus those sharks are scary as fuck ya’ll!

 

Sure, it’s got backward swimming sharks and L.L. Cool J talking to a bird but it’s still a decent flick.

 

My Own Shark Week: Shark Night

As a part of Shark Week, not only am I watching fantastically scary documentaries about Flying Sharks and Megalodon but I’m also watching ridiculous shark movies.


I’ve started the week off with… Shark Night!

 
When this movie came out to theaters, I just had to see it for two reason. One, I love Joel David Moore and two, I needed to know how sharks can get into a lake!


If they can get into a lake, what’s keeping them from getting into your toilet!

 
The thought of sharks entering a lake is frightening. I get that lakes can have snakes, crocs, Swamp Things and flesh eating blobs, but sharks?! Well, that’s just preposterous!

 

College kids find a random reason (one of them passes his math test or something) to spend the weekend at a lake house. They think they are going to have fun swimming, jet skiing, drinking and hooking up but of course, things never work out as planned.

 


The plot is the same as a regular cabin in the woods type horror movie. Only the cabin is a place on the Louisiana bayou and the killer is a lake filled with different breeds of sharks.


 

The crew have some fun until one of them is attacked by a shark! After a series of misfortunes (the only boat they have crashes and no one can get cell reception) they find that they are stranded, surrounded by super hungry sharks.  


 

I like to keep my reviews spoiler free so I’m not going to tell you how or why the sharks got into the lake but overall, I thought the logic of it is kind of absurdly brilliant.

 

Neflixer, Shark Night is currently streaming if you want to have watch some stupidly fun shark flick.