Take my shirt but not my eyes!: Horrifying eye scenes

A few years ago I was in an awful accident. I was in my apartment, innocently putting up my laundry and pulling plastic hangers loose from a pile and BAM! one of them broke and a piece of plastic flew in my eye.

The tragic incident put me in the E.R and they patched me up and sent me on my way since it was no biggie.

But still ever seen that dark and blurry night, I have been getting eyefections every few months.

I’ve recently endured back-to-back eyefections which have not only made me realize that I should finally see a doctor but it also inspired (or eye-spired..eh? eh?…Sorry) me to make a list of movie eye scenes that have made my wince in pain.

Zombi 2

There’s two scenes that makes this film memorable. One being, the greatest scene in the history of film, ever…the zombie vs. shark scene, which makes my eyes light up in glee.

But then there’s the second scene, which makes my eyes scream:

I would seriously just say “Ok zombies, eat me alive, at least wait for my heart to stop beating if you’re going for my eyes but please don’t shove my eye in that splintery piece of wood.”
Hell, I’d even cut my own hair or even head off before I’d let that happen. True story.

May

May has two scenes that makes my eyes shudder.

First being the classroom scene when she kinda rubs glass fragments in her. I can almost understand being in a state of panic and having your eye itch at the same time and not thinking to not rub it but still bah!

But it’s the final scene that kills my face. I can watch just about any effed up mutilation scene out there but when it comes to self-infliction, I just can’t handle it. It makes me so uncomfortable so when it comes to self-infliction to the eyes, baahhhhh!!!

May ending

Every time I watch this movie I literally screamed along with her when those scissors went in her face.

Halloween

Ok so this is the Disney of eye injuries but still, it’s a coat hanger…to the eye. I can relate!

I completely understand if Michael decided to not kill Jamie because she’s his sister but instead wanted to kill the bitch that poked his eye out!

Hostel

I sat through this and cringed during the Achilles heel thing, the vomiting had no effect on me but the eye-gasm. Dear sweet jebsus!

Most people were grossed out when the eye jizzed after it’s separation but for me it was the snip that made me want to vomit.

Village of the Damned

In the John Carpenter remake, there’s a scene where the children have an eye exam. For one kid, the doc misplaces the drops she supposed to use with something else that burns the kid’s eye.

Though it was the cost of my doctor’s visit and fear of hearing I would have to have surgery that kept me from seeing a doctor for so long, but knowing that this could have happened to me didn’t help either.

I may not be a special alien kid with weird powers but if a doctor did that to me, in that very moment I would have raised the inner strength to tap into telepathy and get her to put that shit in her eyes too. Take that! *pew pew pew*

Kill Bill

I don’t know what’s worse, having a sharp object penetrate your eye or having someone’s unwashed hands and dirty fingernail in my eye.

Jeepers Creepers

The first time I watched this and it got to the end when Darry was screaming and then minutes later it’s revealed that the Creeper took his eyes out, my blood literally turned cold.

Darry’s demise

Now every time I watch this and I hear those scream, I just imagine the Creeper ripping those eyes out while Darry was still alive, feeling every bit of having it scraped out of his head.

Single White Female

The sight of heels have always bothered me because the very few times I’ve attempted to wear them, it hurt a lot. Then came this movie.

Imagining a 5 inch spiked heel jabbed into your eye at full speed makes me twinge but also I can’t help but be grossed out by the thought of how much New York street crap that shoe stepped in.

Final Destination 5

Ok so this movie has not been released yet, but just that tiny scene in the trailer was enough to put this on the list.

I would like to one day have lasers shoot out of my eye not into them!

Give me torture porn, vomit, even people eating poop but leave the eyes alone

Things to do when you have a crazy roommate




Recently I rented the movie The Roommate, looking to fill my boredom with mindless crap.
I was expecting a teenaged, watered-down take on Single White Female but what I got instead was a completely, lame almost direct rip-off of Single White Female.
I was debating about doing a review for this but I think I can sum it up with “It took forever before someone was killed. This movie is what lame wants to be when it grows up.” And fin.
So with that mini, on point review, I thought I could at least offer up tips on what to do if you find yourself living with a crazy roommate.


1.       Background check-  Yes, your roommate seems as sweet as pie so it may be hard to believe that she’s a psycho killer (Qu’est-ce que c’est). Ask about her family, get to know her friends, and Google her! 
  • If she doesn’t have a relationship with her parents, find out their information and call them for a friendly follow up chat. “Hi my name is___ I’m considering your daughter for a roommate and would like to know the following: Is she on any meds? Has she ever been locked up for anything?  Is she crazy?”

Simply questions like those should clarify if your roommate is sane enough to live with you.


  • If she claims that her parents are dead, confirm it with online research and obits. If they are really dead, find out how. If it was a strange accident, could it have been something she caused? Think about it!


  •    If she has friends then talk to them about her and get to know her through them. Get some dirt! If she has no friends, be suspicious. Even shy people have at least one friend, even if it’s their grandma.  

As abrasive as this may seem, you don’t want to find out later that the person who is living with you isn’t the person they say they are. Get the facts!


2.       If she takes a fancy to the clothes you wear, your hairstyle and everything that makes you “you” then drop your look and take on hers. Act the way she used to before she wanted to be you and take on her mannerisms.  If you show her that you’re not even interested in being you then maybe she’ll find someone else to idolize. And maybe if you’re lucky, she’ll just think you’re an asshole for mimicking her and move out.  



3.       Keep your boyfriend far away. If this bitch wants to be like you, she’ll want your boyfriend in the horizontal cha cha kind of way. Tell her that you broke up with him because of his small wiener. As long as he’s safely out of the picture, she’ll be safely out his pants.  

4.       Get the hell out of there! Make plans to move to another place but don’t give your roommate advance warning until it’s official, she might screw up your plans. Once you have locked in a new place, tell Crazy Town a bullshit story. Examples- Your money problems have set you back and you have no choice to but to move back home where you’ll be rent free. Or better yet, you have a secret drug problem and you’re finally ready to get some help so you’re checking yourself into rehab.


5.       Dial up the crazy! If all else fails, crank up the crazy on your end. For someone who is really crazy, they seek out normalcy hence wanting to mirror you- someone seemingly normal, so hence don’t be normal. HENCE!
  • Tell her you’ve joined a cult/Scientology and constantly preach to her about “the ways” of your people. Ask her if you can get a pet snake or how she feels about animal sacrifices in the apartment. Enlist the help of friends to play “squatters” at your apartment. Tell your roommate “My cult friends are gonna be staying here till the mother ship comes for us, you’re cool with this right?”

  •   Stop showering. Yes, I know this is hard, but so is getting rid of a crazy person. Be as messy as possible maybe even down right gross to the point where she doesn’t want to live with you.
  •   Get possessed. Remember Sigourney Weaver in Ghostbusters? “Are you the Key Master?” Yeah, keep asking that and tell your roommate that you will only respond to the “Key Master.”
  • Get bat shit crazy. Casually mention to her that you gave up on taking the pills those “quack doctors” made you go on. Buy a box of Depends and leave them in plain site. Let your roomie know that you will no longer contribute to buying toilet paper or using the toilet because you fear that a toilet monster will get you…again. Every time she comes home from anything, jump into her arms and declare that you are happy she made it home and that “they” didn’t get her. Wear a make shift foil underwear/pants/hat. Tell her you’re saving yourself for marriage and you’ll be damned if any aliens are going to take that away from you and they need to stop trying every night cause that shit ain’t gonna happen up in here! (It helps if you shake your fist to the ceiling while stating this) Constantly mumble to yourself and when she asks what you’re talking about, hiss and say “DO YOU MIND!?!?!” then go back to your mumbling and throw in a occasional hysterical laugh.

If you follow these easy to-do steps, you’ll find yourself free and clear of a crazy roommate.

My Top 2010 Movies




Now that 2010 has come to an end (dude, I just totally rhymed!) I took some time to reflect on the movies I’ve seen and loved this year. 

So with much thought, I’ve complied my list of my favorite 2010 movies. 

If there’s something wicked awesome that you think I left out, it’s either because I didn’t see it or I didn’t think it was all that wicked awesome so there! (and likely I forgot to add it to this list so…there!) 

On to the list! 

Frozen



I’m glad that I’m such a klutz that skiing will never be on my list of things I want to do. The minor possibility of being stuck on a ski lift for like, ever just solifies my non-desire to hit the slopes.
 
This dreary film not only had the ability to make me cringe and gasp every single time I watch it but I love it when a film can put me in a “what would I do” frame of mind when trying to relate to the situation and the characters.
 
Here’s my review


Hatchet 2


Yes, another Adam Green film on the list and no it has nothing to do with my boner crush on him. For reals. 
 
Sequels to horror movies are a tricky thing especially when it comes to picking up where the first left off. Hatchet 2 delivers a solid Victor Crowley back story and it has buckets blood as it’s side kick. 
 
Hatchet 2‘s picture perfect displays of gore gave me a boner high I couldn’t get down from and it saddened me that the film didn’t get much play when it was released. Wa wa. 
 
Here’s my review


Black Swan



I’m so glad that there was more to this film other than all the hype surrounding the “lesbian” scene.  

I had no doubt that Aronofsky could crank out another hit film let alone a super creepy one as well. 
 
Here my review


Machete



Since the Grindhouse double feature in 2006, all of us fan waited and hoped that the faux trailer for Machete would some day materialize to a real film. 

This year we got to see the full length feature of that gem.

Machete was everything I could want in a fun, entertaining action film with the B-movie camp edge. 


Paranormal Activity 2



Another well-done horror sequel. This follow up to last year’s suceessful scare, sadly over-hyped movie is a part prequel to the first movie yet still delivers the chills… times two! 

Here’s my review 


Scott Pilgrim vs the World



I had the most amazing opportunity of seeing this in advance, twice at Comic Con. Yeah bitches! 

I became an instant fan of this film not only because of Edgar Wright’s attachment but because it’s from start to finish, down right effin’ pew pew pew fun. 
 
Here’s my review


Kick-Ass

When a friend and I were going to do an Iron Man 2/Kick-Ass double feature, I figured I was going to see some light-hearted teen super hero movie on par with Meteor Man or Richie Rich but holy crap, I was not expecting so much violence and gore sprayed all up in my face! 

Yes, I loved it hence why it’s deserving to be on this list. 


The Killer Inside of Me


Set in the 1940’s Lou Ford, a sheriff, gets mixed up with a dirty whore whom let’s him slap her around and engage in other S&M type shit.

Lou appears to be an easy-going gentleman but he hides the crazy quirks of his personality that embraces brutal violence and a disturbing urge to kill. 

His affair with the dirty whore begins his deep spiral down a dark road of murder. 

I can’t name too many noir-y films that stuck with me as being so beautifully sad so hence why I had to put The Killer Inside of Me on this list. 


Monsters
In Mexico, at a time when monster attacks are seasonal like the weather, a journalist attempts to take an American chick through “infected areas” to get her safety across the U.S. border. 

I’ve heard so much about this film over the last few months that I finally ordered it on Pay-per-view just to see what all the buzz was about. Oh and because I have a thing for “monsters breaking stuff and screaming RAWRRR” type movies. 

This film has flairs of District 9 only instead of the alien monsters having to adjust to our human rules and restrictions, we have to adjust to the monsters. Dun dun dunnnn! 


Buried


After seeing the 1993’s The Vanishing I was completely horrified of the idea of being left for dead, buried in a coffin, where no one but your killer knows where you are. 

For years whenever I see that movie on, I shudder and think about how awful it has to be to be trapped in a box. Well, thank you Buried for throwing me right in that situation and making me a billion times claustrophobic and physically uncomfortable in a movie theater. 

Here’s my review 


Well folks, I’m ready for some new awesome movies for the new year. 

Happy New Year everyone! 

7 Ways to Survive Summer Camp




Summer is coming to an end and I’m finding myself in the mood to watch summer camp films such as Sleepaway Camp, The Burning and some Friday the 13th.


I never had the pleasure of going to a summer camp, but it’s not too late for me. Ok, yeah it is but still, if that day ever comes, I’ll be prepared with these 7 survival tactics. 





1. Study the history of the camp grounds: Put the fancy, wordy brochure down and dig up some real dirt on the camp. Check into news reports and history. Has there been any news on missing campers in the area? Did some wack-a-do chop up some kids there 20 years ago? Is an anniversary of a massacre coming up? These are important things to know unless you want to be among the missing or the chopped up. 





 2. You’ve been warned!: There’s always a chance that you won’t be able to find anything wrong with your campsite through Google. You know how cover-ups go so if some skeezy old guy jumps at you outta nowhere and he’s screaming about a “death curse,” listen! Yeah he’s the local “crazy guy” and he probably smells like burnt ass, but still, old people know stuff. They’ve been around. Hell, for all you know he was probably a witness to some camp ground murders or the remaining survivor to one so, take a hint and split! 


3. Missing People/Numerous Accidents: Accidents happen. People get lost in the woods. Shit happens. But in a camping situation, this is never a good thing. Maybe it’s ok to not overreact to a slight accident but once more things start happening to people or if more than one person ends up missing. It’s time to bounce. Odds are, they are dead. No, no, don’t go looking, don’t disregard the person who “accidentally” got axed in the face. Get in your car or steal one and just go. 





4. Don’t be a bully: I know it’s fun to pick on the weird or slow kid but think ahead. That kid may snap and get revenge on your ass and everyone else at the camp. Or yet, years will pass by and other fellow campers will pay for your mistake when said weird/slow/snapped kid grows up and wants to kill everyone all because of you. Find something else fun to do. 





5. Skip the pranks: Along with not bullying people, I would not advise to try “harmless” pranks. It doesn’t matter who it’s on, how minor it may seen, someone WILL DIE! Trust me! 







6. Stay in public: If you go out to the woods to pee, do drugs or fuck, you’re going to die. Sorry, I didn’t make up the rules that just how summer camp works. So here’s my advice, do everything in public. Yes, I mean EVERYTHING. *insert echo here* Use the outhouse or whatever public bathroom options you have during the day and/or while other people are around. Get a group of your friends to do drugs with you in your room. And for fucking, sorry but if you’re going to fuck, wait till your roomies are asleep, sneak your partner in your room or go to their room and sha-bang that shit. You do run the risk of getting caught but it’s better than sneaking off somewhere secluded and getting penetration of a different kind. 





7. Suspect everyone!: If people are dying and/or missing and you can’t get away from the camp safely, don’t trust anyone! The killer may be your camp bff, your cousin, that weird girl that stares off into space and never talks or even the sweet old lady cook. Anyone and everyone could be the killer! Find yourself a weapon, stay in a large group if possible, and be alert. The killer could be in the group so vote against splitting up, pairing off, or any of the like. If the killer is in the group, he/she will want a pairing off situation so suspect the person suggesting it. And if the killer isn’t in your group, he/she will get tired of waiting for the group to break up, try to attack you all at once and hence revealing themselves to you as the killer. No matter what, be prepared to kick some ass on your own. 


I hope these tips and tricks help some of you in the near future or it’s something to pass along to your children when the summer days come when you don’t want them hanging around the house.







My Favorite Horror Movie Scenes


Movies are great but regardless the plot, the actors or the buckets of gore used, it only takes one powerful or humorous scene to make me fall in love.


Certain movies affect me in different ways. I can get instantly into it, get really bored or I can ponder over it hours even days after it’s over. (Those types of movies are my favorite.) No matter how I feel about any movie, if it has a scene in it that I can connect with or just make me laugh my ass off, I’m sold!

So here are of few of my favorite scenes:

The Wicker Man: Willow’s Song

Even though the last scene in this movie is one of my favorites, this particular scene in the movie stood out to me.


Sergeant Howie is on a mission to find a missing girl on an island. During his search for her, he remains focused and set in his sturdy moral ways. I love this scene because we see him struggle with his need to stay pure while being enticed by the landlord’s daughter, Willow. She’s an enchanting siren calling out to him through a wall, while he’s on the other side internally losing his cool.

Throughout the movie we see Howie shoving his ethics down the town folks’ throats but here we can see the strength in his character while he fights through this temptation even though come on, we all know he wants to tear that wall down and ya know….. Yeah! Even towards the very end Sergeant Howie keeps his faith in check and stands by his strong will. I love that.


Cabin Fever: PANCAKES!

I remember the first time I watched Cabin Fever. I was vacationing with my family and while my parents were out my brothers and I ordered Cabin Fever at the hotel. I heard good things about the movie so when I saw it listed, I didn’t care about the overpriced hotel costs, I had to see it.

Well,I didn’t know what I got myself into. I did enjoy the homagey elements the movie added and as I mentioned about Carriers, I really dig those “everyone for themselves” movies but WTF was this scene all about-



I laughed so hard that I hit my head on the bed head board. I’ve never been so confused yet overly humored before in my entire life. This scene holds a special place in my heart.


May: The End (Spoiler)

I believe that every horror fan can relate to May. I think we all deal with our own weird/geeky/dorky-ness and it’s hard to connect with people that understand that.

May desperately wants someone to be her friend and to accept her. Her standards may be a little high in the body parts department but overall, she just doesn’t want to feel alone anymore.


In the end (spoiler alert again)

May gather favored body parts from other people to create her own makeshift friend, even giving up an eye so it can see her. In the final minutes of the film, May lies sobbing next to “Amy,” giving up on the idea that anyone will love her and just in the last few seconds, “Amy” reaches over to comfort her.


That final scene had a profound affect on me. I think that as humans we can relate to that kind of loneliness and we sometimes yearn for any kind of a connection with someone (but hopefully not to those extreme measures). I watched this wanting May to have that so she can be relieved from her pain of being lonely. We don’t know if May continues after that or if she dies but we know that she had at least one blissful moment where someone understood her. It’s almost a sick kind of happy ending but to me it’s really beautiful.



Carrie: Plug It Up!

I’m not going to deny it, I have a sick sense of humor. I went to an all-girls’ Catholic school so I know how bitchy and cruel girls can truly be.

In this scene Carrie White, the school’s weirdo gets her period for the first time and freaks the fuck out. Apparently she doesn’t know what a period is and everyone mocks her for it. I can say that if this were a real life situation it would be kind of sad and I’d feel for her, but when I watched this for the first time, I laughed…. a lot. Hell, it still makes me laugh. Again, I have a sick sense of humor!




Let The Right On In: “Are you a vampire?”

I will obviously talk about this movie any chance I can but this scene for me has a subtle intimacy and it’s also kind of sweet.

Like the scene in The Wicker Man, Oskar is being tested by Eli. Eli is already exposed as being a vampire and Oskar can choose to run off, turn her in or accept it. Through the glass, Eli wants to protect herself but she also wants Oskar to stick around. She’s feeling him out, wondering if she should let him into her crazy, dangerous life. She needs to feel that it’s something he can handle, and not to sound cheesy but to know that he’s the right one to let in. Ok, yeah, that was cheesy but this little scene solidified my love for this film.




(Only the first 1 minute 20 seconds need to be watched, especially if you’re never seen this before)


I’m sure this won’t be the last “favorite scenes” list I make but so far these are my most favorite.

Happy Mother’s Day Horror Movies



I’m a day late but I still wanted to make a list of Mother’s Day movies. A lot of these movies reflect the bonds between a mother and her child(ren) and I really love how such a strong connection can bring out the worse in people. So here’s the list: 



Mother’s Day

Ok, so I kind of have not seen this movie yet. Yes, I have failed as a horror fan making a list about motherly horror movies but, the title is “Mother’s Day” and it’s a horror movie so it needed to be on the list! I’ve added it to my Netflix queue just so I can sleep better at night. I can’t comment so here’s the trailer. 





Psycho IV: The Beginning

 Norman Bates is the poster boy for matricide. We know the story, Norman kills his mom then becomes so consumed with guilt and because he’s kinda crazy, he dresses up and kills as his mother. I picked this one out of the whole series because Norman flashes back on his childhood and what it was like to be raised by a crazy bitch. Even though she was overbearing and completely schizo, he really loved her and understood her better than anyone. He felt he had to honor all of her demands even after her death. A boy best friend is truly his mother. 


Sleepwalkers

So these shape shifting creatures known as “Sleepwalkers” feed off virgins. The son has to go fetch a virgin, steal the life out of her and then feed it to his mom. As much as it’s ick because the mother and son sex each other up, I think this is a great example of a strong mother and son bond…again with the icky sex aside. Their relationship is based on survival. She literally can’t live without him and his love for her is so strong that even though she has to rely on only him to survive, in his own way, he can’t survive without her either. 




Ginger Snaps

 The mother/daughters relationship in this movie is so subtle but I think it plays a major role throughout the entire movie. Ginger, a death-obsessed chick gets bitten by a werewolf then slowly turns into one while dealing with puberty.

So Mimi Rogers plays the mother, she’s one of those moms that don’t want to be a mom, she wants to be your bff. She wants to celebrate you getting your period, she’ll look the other way if you’ve done something wrong and she’ll drop you off a block away from the mall so no one sees you riding around with her. She’s hip. I don’t want to give much away to anyone who has not seen it plus I’m unsure of the circulating versions of this movie but the first time I’ve seen this, it ended with the girls’ mother wanting to start a new life with them away from all the shit that went down. Also, looking at the “alternate versions” on IMBD, the mother’s motherly character is brought out a lot more. It always made me wonder if my mom would be that cool if I were a wolf that killed people. Probably not, she doesn’t like dogs in the house. 

The Uninvited

I recently watched this and thought that there was some focus on Elizabeth Banks’ character attempt to be motherly. This was based on a great movie called A Tale of Two Sisters but with that film, it was completely about the close, loving relationship between the two sisters and it went through them dealing with a mean stepmother. With the Uninvitied, Elizabeth Banks’ character is really only dealing with one of the sisters and she has an overpowering, almost needy desire to be a mother figure. It’s unknown till the end if her intentions are good or bad but still her there is no doubt her heart is trying to be in the right place. 





Rosemary’s Baby

I wasn’t sure if I should list this because, well in the end she didn’t feel so motherly when she found out it was the child of the devil! Dun dun dunnnn. But still I decided to mention it because at first she did want to do everything to protect her unborn child.  




Baby Blood

A parasite creature impregnates a lady then demands to be feed blood. The lady is overtaken by her love for this “child” and kills anyone just so she can feed it. This movie really got me more excited to see Grace. Again, as I mentioned with Grace, I’m enticed by how strong a mother’s love can be that murder isn’t a moral consideration if it’s to help your child live. 




Inside

This is still one of the most crazy ass movies I have ever seen. An unbalanced lady attacks a pregnant lady in an attempt to scoop out her baby and claim it as her own. Violence and sugary gore aside, the crazy lady’s forceful desire to get that child is pretty intense. She wants to be a mother so much that she never stop fighting to try and gut that child out of the poor, helpless victim. I don’t want to say that I side with the crazy lady but taking a step back from everything and looking at her point of view, that’s pure love that she has for that child. 





And the best for last: Serial Mom

My favorite, wholesome, psychotic mother of them all! If I told my mom that some guy stood me up, she’d just tell me that he was an asshole and that I shouldn’t give a shit about it. She wouldn’t track him down, follow him to the bathroom and stab him with with a fire poker! That would totally rule if she did though. Beverly Sutphin is a apple pie kind of mom, but get her mad and and you’ll die a brutally painful death! I know that Beverly doesn’t really fully kill because of her love for her kids, she loves them very much and will clearly do anything for them but she loves killing people too. I had to pick this one because not only does she kill for her kids but for such mundane reasons, you gotta love it. 

Ok that’s all I got tonight. Feel free to suggest others cause I know I left some out. To any mothers reading this, happy late Mother’s day! 

Valentine’s Day Horror Movies


As a single girl, my Valentine’s Day tradition is normally watching some horror love-themed movie and snuggling with my dogs. Seems sad, but if you watched some of the movies I do, you’ll have no urge to rush into your next relationship. Here are some of my picks:

1. My Bloody Valentine (original)– Obvious Choice #1. The remake is a fun watch but I prefer the original especially on the love theme. Some miners die on Valentine’s Day because two workers were careless and wanted to go to the annual V-Day dance instead of doing their jobs. The only survivor of the accident kills off two workers and warns the town to never have another Valentine’s Day dance again….or else! I think the thing that I loved about this movie was the end. The very last scene was creepy but related to one dude’s love for a chick. 


2. Valentine– Obvious Choice # 2.  This wasn’t the greatest movie and the end was predictable but at least for Valentine’s Day you can get some sort of kick out of it. Girls get stalked by a kid they made fun of in school and he’s striking back on V-Day. 
3. Misery- You would think being famous would be awesome but not when some psycho, #1 fan wants to strap you to a bed and keep you forever!  If you don’t know already, a writer gets into an accident during a shitty snow storm but he’s saved by a crazed fan that wants him to write shit her way. 



4. Teeth The very first time I saw this trailer, I thought, “oh my god, this would be the PERFECT first date movie!” A chick has teeth in her vag and everyone seems to want to bang her. I really don’t need to get into much explanation on this movie, even watching it alone I can still get a kick out of all the chomping scenes. 





5. Play Misty For Me When you’re Clint Eastwood, chicks are throwing themselves at you all the damn time! In this movie he plays a rockin’ DJ with an obsessed fan who loves the song “Misty.” Clint character has what he believes is a one night stand with the chick but she turns into a crazy stalker trying to ruin his life. A cautionary tale for the single and the horny. Think Fatal Attraction only no bunny. 


6. May May is a lonely girl just looking to connect with someone. She’s strange, she’s into some sick shit but deep down, aren’t we all a little strange and sick? Ok maybe not but still I think that this movie is one that everyone can relate to on some level. I can’t say that I have ever felt loneliness to the extremes that she does but throughout the whole movie I completely felt what she was feeling. Another movie with an ending that I just loved




7. Roman– The guy’s May. Roman’s obsession with his neighbor leads to her death, covering up and falling in love with a new neighbor. This one is not as poetic as May but still a little bit relate-able. Also the lead actor is the director of May and the director of Roman…is the leading lady in May. Wrap your mind around that one. 






8. Love Object If Lars and the Real Girl were a horror movie, it would be Love Object. A guy buys a sex doll, tries to make it like a co-worker he has thing for only, this doll may or may not be taking on a life of it’s own. It’s bad enough for guys who have girlfriends running their lives but when it’s a doll telling you what to do, that’s gotta be worse right? I would suggest for guys to just get a fleshlight instead. 







9. Calvaire– If the person you loved left you, you’d go through the motions then get over it right? Well Marc, a traveling singer gets stuck in a hilly billy town and comes across a crazed man looking to displace his angry towards the wife that left him. Marc gets trapped in this man’s sick, twisted world. This movie is not a straight-up “love” movie but the theme is there and this is a pretty damn good movie for anyone who hasn’t seen it. This is very Deliverance-like but it’s haunting and more fucked up. 





10. Enduring Love– Another Fatal Attraction type movie, only it’s a dude jonesin’ for another dude. Daniel Craig is pretty sexy in a James Bond kind of way but I wouldn’t think he could turn someone gay. An unfortunate accident brings two strangers together but one (Rhy Ifans) soon develops a sick, twisted infatuation with the other (Daniel Craig). Rhy Ifans’ performance in this movie is down right chilling. Throughout the whole movie he creeped me out and made me uneasy. In this case, you don’t have to have a one night stand with anyone or be a famous writer to have a crazy person want you, just being you can do the trick as well. 


Have A Happy Bloody Valentine’s Day Everyone! 

Horror Movies I’d Like To See As A Musical







I’ve never been a big fan of musicals. I thought The Rocky Horror Picture Show was just ok but since then a lot more and better (in my opinion) musicals have been made. Repo! The Genetic Opera, A Nightmare Before Christmas, South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long, Cannibal the Musical, and my personal favorite, Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Once More with Feeling are all musicals I easily got into.

 Within the horror genre, a lot of movies has been adapted into musicals. If  had a choice in what movies I would make into a musical, I would choose these: 


Battle Royale 

 A group of students trapped on an isolated island are given three days to kill each other until only one remains. Think West Side Story meets The Most Dangerous Game, song would relate to killing for the first time, dealing with a bomb around your neck, going after your enemies, and just tryin’ to survive.

                            


                            


Twin Peaks

Laura Palmer is dead and everyone is a suspect.  All the townspeople sing a number about their deepest secrets and motives. This musical would not be complete without a backwards song done by Michael J. Anderson, “the man from another place” and from the ghost of Laura. I would really love to see any of Lynch’s work made into a musical



Teeth

Maybe the movie is too off the wall to be made into a musical but the thought of having songs about the predicament of having choppers in your vag is a winner for me. Plus, the vagina would have to have one, just one song number!


Any Night/Day/Dawn or Return of the Living Dead

 I would love to see any or all of these made into a musical. All the character have some problem to sing about, Barbara dealing with Johnny’s death, a group number at the mall, life underground with the military or a punk rocker’s lament. Also the zombie should have a song about eating brains.






Killer Klowns from Outer Space


 I can see this as a rap musical. The clowns rap about cotton candy, balloon dogs and clown cars. I think the major characters in the movie would serve as a background to this musical and the focus would be more on the clowns and their creative ways at gathering humans.







 Troll 2

This best worst movie could only get better…or worse served as a musical. Songs about Nilbog, green food, peeing on dinner, grandpa’s ghost and the most popular, “Oh my goooodddddddddddd.”







The Monster Squad

Maybe this wouldn’t make the greatest of musicals, but I would love to see a bunch of trash talkin’ monster-lovin’ boys sing about the scary German guy, monsters in their closets and wolfman’s nards. And of course, all the monsters would have musical numbers as well.  





Re-Animator


Herbert West sings about his adventures reanimating the dead. The musical wouldn’t have to be based on the first movie or the sequels but just his crazy mishaps in general.




An American Werewolf in London

The transformation scene was an art form in itself but add some singing to that, and poof it’s even better! The people at the bar sing about the moors, Jack sings his warnings to David; David serenades Nurse Alex and the undead bitch in song form. I’m sure even the werewolf could have a few songs while on the prowl.



Jaws

My favorite scene in Jaws is has nothing to do with any of the attacks or any scenes directly relating to the shark, it’s the scene when Brody, Hooper and Quint are intoxicated, singing Irving King’s “Show me the way to go Home.” I’d imagine the musical on that level, songs accenting certain scenes in the movie such as that scene did for that moment. It would be great. 





I know that I may never see any of these in a musical form but a girl can dream. 



Lists

 
I love making list so check out my past posts of lists! 

7 Ways to Survive Summer Camp

Anti-Virginity Movies 

Bromance Horror Movies 

Childhood Christmas Traumas 

Four Things I’m Expecting from Scream 4

Happy Mother’s Day Horror Movies 

Horror Movies I’d Like to see as a Musical 

Horror-ish Music Videos 

The Horrors of Smoking Pot

My Essential 70’s Cult Films 

My Favorite Horror Movie Scenes 

My Top 2010 Movies 

My Top 10 Willy Inducing Moments

Resurrection Movies 

Thanksgiving Horror Movies

Valentine’s Day Horror Movies 

Valentine’s Day Horror Movies Part 2

WTF? Commercials 

Friday the 13th Drinking Game