Let’s just get this out of the way- I’m not going to win the lottery. Hell, I’ll be happy if I win a few bucks but I’m not that hopeful either. It would be nice to win the current 1.5 billion dollar Powerball tonight but it would be more realistic for a vending machine to fall on me. I’m sure it would be even more possible that a vending machine would come to life and stab me to death with a Butterfinger before wining the lottery.
Here are some things that are likely to happen before you win a billion dollars (Using MoneyMiniBlog as a reference)
- Being killed by a vending machine. (1 in 112 million)
We’ve all done it, our candy gets stuck in that stupid metal coil thing and the heavy vending machine is begging for a push. It’s fair to believe that any time we give it the old shake down it could fall and crush us to death. Yet we take the risk and live to tell about it. In my twisted horror movie version of this stat, here is what is more than likely to happen to you before you win the lottery.
2. Being killed in a terrorist attack on an airline. (1 in 25 million)
We live in a sad world where terrorist do attack our airlines. Sometimes it’s hard to sit on a plane and not wonder if your flight is going to land safely. In the horror world, you’re probably going to be on a plane with snakes before you win the lottery.
3. Dying from a bee, hornet or wasp sting. (1 in 6.1 million)
One time I was in Central America checking out the Mayan Ruins. One section was closed off because of “Killer bees.” Even though I refused to get close to those ruins, out of fear of dying an embarrassing death, the bees could have decided to swoop down and sting me in my face…. to death! I guess that would have been more feasible than winning the lotto tonight.
4. Dying from being left-handed and using a right-handed product incorrectly. (1 in 4.4 million)
Ok this stat is a little bit ridiculous. I am a lefty and have managed a solid 35 years using right-handled products. *knock on wood with my left hand* In the horror movie world, your hand will be possessed by evil before it’s counting billions of dollars.
5. Dying in a plane crash. (1 in 1 million)
Again this goes along with ending up with snakes on your plane only I’m taking it to another horror movie level. How about having a shark kill you in a plane crash!? That could happen before winning the lottery.
6. Being killed by flesh-eating bacteria. (1 in 1 million)
It happened in Cabin Fever and it could happen to you!! Mmm pancakes.
7. Getting Struck by Lightning. (1 in 1 million)
I have to admit, getting struck by lightning sounds like it would be awesome. It doesn’t really happen to everyone so it would be like being in a cool club. Lightning can be beautiful and frightening at times but in horror movies it can be evil! Lightning is the reason why Jason came back to life in F13:Part 6. Lightning sriking Jason Voorhees’ dead body and bringing him back to life is more credible than winning billions.
8. Drowning (1 in 2,000,000)
Another one of my childhood trauma stories (much like the killer bees) I almost drowned as a child. But then I was saved and I’m here to tell you all about it. I believe that anyone could drown before winning the lottery. In the horror movie world, you’ll drown in a water bed before swimming in a pile of dough.
9. Drowning specifically in a bathtub. (1 in 840,000)
Having a killer snowman attack you while you’re in the tub will happen before you win a billion dollars.
10. Dying in an on-the-job accident. (1 in 48,000)
You may have a cozy job that’s free of any danger but hey, you could still get killed there before winning the lottery.
11. Being murdered…just in general. (1 in 18,000)
I like to live my life day-to-day not being aware that I could die at any time. I also like to think that I won’t be randomly murdered one day. Looks like that could probably happen to me before I win the lottery. Damn!
If you bought yourself a Powerball ticket tonight and you don’t win, don’t fret my pet. You may not have money to blow on hookers and coke but at least you’re not on a snake infested plane with a killer, while a flesh-eating virus is gnawing at your face, while you have diarrhea and all the bathrooms are full.
Good luck to you all!