31 Days of Halloween: Day 10: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (series)

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This is how Buffy the Vampire Slayer helped my life.

This past year has been really rough on me. I lost my mother unexpectedly and with it I lost my ability to feel things. It’s been a frustrating struggle to get by day-to-day when you feel completely empty inside. It’s difficult to convince your friends that you’re ok when you don’t really know if you’re ok. While struggling with this feeling of aimlessness I remember that something that used to make me feel things was when I watched Buffy. Buffy was the first show that had me emotionally invested. I laughed out loud a lot and I cried a lot. It did things to me. As silly as it seems it was a show that impacted my life so I decided to watch all 7 seasons all over again. I was determined to get back feeling things again, to remember what it  was like when I didn’t feel so empty. So that’s what I did. It took me a while, and I got through one season at a time when I had free weekends or a slow week nights. And here is the day that I finished the last episode of the last season on this day.

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When Buffy the tv series started while I was in high school I wanted to watch it because I loved the movie and at the time TV really did need more female heroines. The show was funny and clever and really deep in ways that I can relate to. Buffy and I were the same age, we ironically graduated high school the same day (well, when the episode aired) and when she won the award for Class Protector, I won Most Wittiest Senior. Again I know it sounds silly that a show can impact my life as much as Buffy did, but it did.

Watching Buffy again did make me feel things again. I laughed again, my emptiest faded a little. When I watched the episode when Buffy’s mother died, it hit me harder than I expected and I got an overwhelming release that I needed to have. Buffy the Vampire Slayer helped me through this mild depression that’s been gnawing at me for months.

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Getting to the last episode of season 7 after working my way through all the other season was a satisfying and therapeutic experience. It didn’t just help me come to terms with the death of my mother but it also helped me through other issues in my life. Issues I had with feeling things for people that I shouldn’t feel things for. Feelings of being lost and out of place in the world.

I am not  a medical professional so my thoughts and opinions are just my thoughts and opinions. This is what I did to work my way through my own issues. If you are suffering from depression talk to someone about it, find something that used to make you happy and do it, reach out. All I can say is that it doesn’t always have to be this way.

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