I hate my job!
I work with people who are lazy and have bitchy attitudes about everything. Oh yeah, and did I mention the hacking coughs? Why must they all cough loudly and never ever cover their mouths? Didn’t they see Outbreak?!
Sure, I should be happy to have a job and steady paycheck, but can’t I have a job and paycheck at a place that doesn’t suck so much ballsbasket?
I’ve had a lot of rough days lately and the only thing that makes me feel better is to think about people who have worse jobs than me. It got me thinking about some of the occupational hazards that happens in horror movies.
Here are some of the worst jobs to have in a horror movie. (Sorry if any of these jobs are yours)
There is something about being in charge of children that gets psycho killers ( Qu’est-ce que c’est?) all revved up to stalk and slaughter.
The main problem with this profession is that being a horny teenager with no sense of responsibility is the only qualification you need. They seem to do well when it comes to putting the children to bed but once the lights go off, the panties drops and doobies get lit up.
In some cases you can still be wholesome and pure and it won’t matter because the killer will be more attracted to you.
There is no winning when you have a job like this.
Your job is to dig holes to make a home for dead people. Maybe it’s zen to be one with the earth and use your geometry skills to get the right size holes but it’s got to be a kick in the nuts when someone digs up a body.
Don’t let Pretty Woman fool you. If you’re going to be a vagina vendor, a millionaire won’t take you out of your skuzzy life and whisk you away to Bel Air. A serial killer will pick you up and show you his collection of fridge heads.
I understand that a bitch gotta eat but no good will come out of selling yourself to the seemingly nice guy. He’s a straight up killer girlfriend! Mmm hmm.
Cleaning toilets and vomit has to be kind of gross but what about cleaning up blood and gore? I can tell you that ShamWow or Bounty won’t do the trick.
This kind of work has to take hours of scrubbing and bleaching and repeating.
Also, there’s no way you can go home and not smell like day old Taco Bell.
In horror movies scientists want to change the world, find cures for things, or explore the unknown. The result of this work is the creation of monsters and outbreaks of deadly diseases.
For a smart profession, these people sure are stupid!