Hilariously Terrible Werewolf Double Feature

Yes, that’s a picture of a werewolf giving the finger…

There are a lot of great werewolf movies out in the world. You got American Werewolf in London, Ginger Snaps, Silver Bullet and of course Teen Wolf.

Then there are those not so great movies that are downright stupid yet you catch yourself watching them when it’s on because you still have a few hours before Doctor Who starts. My Tivo decided to randomly record two of these laughable lycanthropes movies and I randomly decided to watch them. 

First up is Big Bad Wolf….

Title alone you know this movie isn’t going to offer anything stellar. It’s terrible in its own way but I cannot deny it has some enjoyable quirks. 

Derek is a geeky loser who is trying to impress frat boys in hopes of becoming their friend. He steals the key to his stepfather’s cabin and promises the popular crew a weekend of fun in the woods. The frat boys bring along their frat groupies and Derek brings along his chick friend Sam. 

When they arrive to the cabin, the fratty couples rush to have sex while Derek and Sam awkwardly hang out. The sexcapedes is interrupted by a ferocious werewolf with a colorful choice of words and insatiable urge to kill. 

No big surprise that Derek and Sam are the only ones that survive the night but no one believes them when they say a werewolf killed everyone. They conclude that the werewolf must be Derek’s stepfather Mitchell, just because it was his cabin and he’s such a dick so it makes sense. 

Derek and Sam start to investigate Mitchell and all signs point to him being a werewolf. The revelation of Mitchell’s secret life puts Derek in the position where he finally needs to balls up and take Mitchell out for good. 

The cast is a mix bag of forgettable folk and some awesome ones thrown in. Mitchell is played by Richard Tyson who I’ll always remember as Buddy Revell in Three O’ Clock High. Kimberly J. Brown stars as Sam. She’s been in Stephen King’s Rose Red but we all know her from the Disney movies Halloweentown. And by “we all” I mean “me and my 8 year-old cousin.” Other well-known actors are Robin Sydney who is in a lot of Full Moon movies, David Naughton and Clint Howard. 

You would think a plot like this would offer nothing more than some gory mutilation scenes and maybe a scare here and there but the reason why I really enjoy this terrible movie is all because of Richard Tyson. 

Tyson’s portrayal of the foul mouth beast is comical. He’s so evil and a straight up asshole but kept me entertained throughout the whole movie. At the end of the day, that’s all I can ask for. 


And then there’s Cursed…

I love Wes Craven. I love Kevin Williamson’s work. I didn’t love Cursed. 

When Cursed came out it seemed like it was going to be a water-downed movie but I just can’t resist Wes Craven. Well, until he did My Soul to Take but we won’t get into that now.

In Cursed brother and sister Ellie and Jimmy get into a car accident off a California road. They are attacked by a werewolf who leaves them with super cool and sexy werewolf powers. At first it’s super cool that they have sexy werewolf powers but they don’t want to give in to their lust for blood. To break the curse they have to find and kill the werewolf that attacked them.

The only problem is…they don’t know who the werewolf is! Dun dun dunnnn.

Wes and Kevin tried too hard to capture the “who’s the person behind the mask” tension that only really worked well when they did the Scream movies together. Yes it’s exciting to speculate who the werewolf person might be and to yell out “Dude! I knew it!” when that person is revealed but it shouldn’t be the crutch of a story. I think Jimmy and Ellie are super lame and I’m pretty sure at one point Jimmy was checking out Ellie in a “How you doin’” kind of way. Ew

The things I did enjoy about Cursed was the random awesome cast and the ever so stupid dialogue between Bo (Milo Ventimiglia) and Jimmy. First off, cast roll call: Christina Ricci, Jesse Eisenberg, Joshua Jackson, Portia de Rossi, Shannon Elizabeth, Nick Offerman, Derek Mears, Craig Kilborn and Scott Baio. If you’re going to throw Scott Baio into any movie, it’s gets an automatic 50 plus cool points. 

Now Milo’s character is Jimmy’s bully so of course he has to make a lot of crude insults. The insults are so dumb that I found myself laughing hard and saying “Who the hell talks like that? Diablo Cody maybe!”  That’s about all I did enjoy about Cursed. 

The revelation of the werewolf was nothing spectacular and the only great thing about that werewolf is the above picture of the middle finger. 

My Tivo is programmed to record horror movies and the like for me when there are horror movies and the like on so I can appreciate the effort made on its part. 

Big Bad Wolf and Cursed certainly aren’t the most terrible werewolf movies in the whole world ever but for being terrible movies, I give them credit for having hilarious moments that entertained me.

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