With St. Patty’s day coming up, you never know what kind of drunken misadventures you may get into. You could wake up in bed next to your ex, regretting those 14 whiskey shot. You may even find yourself in the battle to the death with an evil leprechaun!
Hey, I don’t know your life, it could happen!
So there is only one true way to defeat a leprechaun, and that’s to strangle him with a rainbow. Since rainbows aren’t always easy to find, here are five ways to defeat a leprechaun.
1. Four Leaf Clover- It’s a standard rule that four-leaf clovers are like spermicide for leprechauns.
How to Find a Four-Leaf Clover
2. Cold Iron- Iron is supposed to harm leprechauns and most mythical beings. Maybe because it’s an earthly element or it could be the strong magnetic force that conquers all evil. Who knows, but apparently it works.
Brand him like he’s your bitch!
3. Street Fighting- So he has some magical powers that can destroy you BUT if you get the jump on him, he might not be able to use them in time. Throw dirt in his face or poke out his eyes. Try to pull his hat down to his face. If he can’t see you, he can’t focus his powers on you. Another option would be to pants him. Ok so this is immature but think about it, he’ll be so embarrassed to think about anything else which will give you the opening to kick his ass.
How to Fight Dirty and Win!
4. Random bag o’ tricks- Try everything and anything that has been done in other fairy tales/legends/etc. Try to guess his name. Pretend that he doesn’t exist so the pure power of a non-believer will make him disappear. Try to shoot him with a silver bullet or rock salt. Shoot him in the head or destroy the brain. Have a dance off.
None of these may work or hell maybe the combination of all of these is the key but it’s worth trying.
5. When all else fails, do the logical, yet not so obvious choice to everyone: Wish him away! Duh-ness!
It’s a known fact that if you catch a leprechaun, he has to grant you wishes. So get the sucker in a head lock and stake your claim. Make a wish that the leprechaun dies, goes away, can’t harm you, loses his powers (after granting the wish) whatever wish that will keep him from killing you. Ok I know it’s temping to wish for a billion dollars, a larger penis or for more wishes but be warned that the leprechaun may try some trickery to taint your wishes so play it safe and just wish the green bastard away.
So folks, whatever you do this St. Patrick’s Day, even if you plan on staying sober and out of trouble, still be prepared to defeat a leprechaun with these helpful tips.