Well hello again Curious Carnies! I’m Tom and I have returned! I’m so happy I could be here on this momentous occasion…Thanksgiving!
I have some amazing vomit inducing tricks up my sleeves and hope to have you all asking for seconds by the time I’m done. So strap on your feedbags kids, its time for…
TOM’S THANKSGIVING TOP TEN MOVIES WITH SICK ASS SCENES INVOLVING EATING! AWESOME!
Hey hey hey its time for Tom’s Thanksgiving Top Ten Movies with Sick Ass Scenes Involving Eating! Awesome! Welcome back, wear a bib, let’s begin!
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
Just like last week…Chili anyone?
She’ll eat pretty much anything…even the cat. She could eat me if she wanted to. I’m ok with that. <– My newest accidental poem.
I’ll take another piece of TONGUE please!
Theater of Blood
Guess what you just ate! HAW-HAW!
Is that my steak moving across the table?
Se7en (I totally put Se7en for Number Seven because it was called Se7en. What?)
Sometimes I feel like that guy after Thanksgiving dinner…
Don’t ask what the secret ingredient is.
I think he’s on the Atkins diet. Rimshot please?
Nightmare on Elm St. 5
Since I first saw it and still, hands down, the one food scene that disturbs me like crazy. Or should I say knives down. Bad Freddy joke? Yeah…
INCREDIBLY HORRIBLE MOVIE SCENES INVOLVING FOOD PICK OF THE WEEK!
Most of you would probably pick Human Centipede, which is totally understood. It has a horrible, horrible, disturbing ass, no pun intended, scene. I mean c’mon…”Feeeeeeeed Heerrrrrrr.” Ugggghhh! Nasty! But ‘fraidies and mental men, I am going to have to pick Greta’s horrible death scene in Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child. Haha, what a title!
There was something just so gross about this scene that it has to win. Not only was Freddy’s rusty claws force feeding chunks of human meat into Greta’s mouth, but her mouth and cheeks expand to an incredibly abnormal size. They balloon up in such an unnatural way, that it becomes outrageously disgusting and horrifying. Like the worst scene ever to come from a Troma film x2.
Hannibal (Exempt because it was on last weeks top ten.)
FEEDS RAY LIOTTA’S BRAIN TO RAY LIOTTA! I won’t say it again.
Iron Jawed Angels (Not technically a movie/film)
It had to be in the runner ups, purely for Hillary Swank’s force feeding scene. See Reality Corner
Drag me to Hell (Close, but no cigar)
The food scenes didn’t cut it for the top ten, but considering this film is really about a girl dealing with the fact that she used to be over weight and bulimic I thought it should be in the runner ups.
Gives a whole new meaning to “stuffing the turkey”.
Ok, freaky friends, now’s the time for a little dose of reality. As I thought about what terrifying truth to talk about this week, I realized we already dipped our toes into cannibalism last week when we talked about what was in Jeffery Dahmer’s fridge, and we all know how delicious…I mean, how incredibly nasty cannibalism is, so I thought we could change it up. For those of you out there saying, “What the shit?! Its freakin’ thanksgiving and he’s not gonna talk about cannibalism?” like they go f*ckin’ hand in hand…here’s the Wiki page…be thankful…
But for you my curious corpse kissers, I’ve dug up something nasty. Force feeding: a technique that when used torturously can be really…well…effective
For me, food is a pleasure. Sure it’s a pain in the ass to cook all the time, but of all of my senses I really love taste….mmmm….taste…. mmmmmm….sorry. Anyways, so to take this glorious gift and be forced into it, to be forced to eat is like being forced into sex. It’s like desecrating a statue of Jesus, or Abe Lincoln, or Bill Murray. Its taking something so beautiful and amazing and pissing all over it then burning it, then pissing, then burning, and so on for at least another half hour….Anyways, the method isn’t too pretty. Now imagine… you get strapped down into a cold metal chair so you can’t fight. Then you’ve got two options, the mouth or the nose. With the mouth they use a little spring action mouth guard so you can’t keep it shut. With the nose they go right in. Here’s a quote from Vladimir Bukovsky, who got tummy raped through the nose, “The feeding pipe was thick, thicker than my nostril, and would not go in. Blood came gushing out of my nose and tears down my cheeks, but they kept pushing until the cartilages cracked. I guess I would have screamed if I could, but I could not with the pipe in my throat. I could breathe neither in nor out at first; I wheezed like a drowning man — my lungs felt ready to burst. The doctor also seemed ready to burst into tears, but she kept shoving the pipe farther and farther down. Only when it reached my stomach could I resume breathing, carefully. Then she poured some slop through a funnel into the pipe that would choke me if it came back up. They held me down for another half-hour so that the liquid was absorbed by my stomach and could not be vomited back, and then began to pull the pipe out bit by bit.” Ugh!
Torturous force feedings are done for a lot of reasons. Sometimes people who won’t eat a certain food for their religion are forced to eat that food. In prisons and torture camps it was done when prisoners would go on hunger strikes. In some cases it was used as just brutal torture, where people were forced to eat out of the toilet.
So as you willingly stuff your face this weekend, remember, you have the power to choose what you eat and the power to stop at any time, and you don’t even need a safe word. Oddly enough my safe word choice was always banana, which seems inappropriate. Anyways, watch Iron Jawed Angels for a hunger strike example and I’d advise all of you to check out the Wiki page because there is tons of more info.
Well alright freak shows, I’m gonna go kill and eat Justin Beiber. But remember, as you sit there stuffing your faces with turkey and stuffing and pumpkin pie and mashed potatoes and corn and sweet potatoes and broccoli and cheese like my grandma makes and…wait…shit! Oh well…Happy Thanksgiving!
P.S. What did the mama turkey say to her naughty turkey son?
Guesses? You’ll get the answer next week!