Anti-Virginity Movies



In horror movies, it’s the general rule that being the virgin is your best bet. You’re guaranteed to make it to the end and you always defeat the killer.


Well I say, fuck that! Non-virgins shouldn’t be punished for wanting to get down and dirty, maybe drink a lot, do some drugs, check out strange noises in the basement alone. Everyone should get a fair chance to survive.

I came up with a little list of movies that show that sometimes being the virgin can be fatal.



Dragonslayer


A King has made a pact with a dragon to sacrfices virgins, and in return the dragon leaves his kingdom alone. An old wizard, and his keen young apprentice volunteer to kill the dragon and attempt to save the next virgin in line.

To all the girls in that kingdom that screwed around were safe. Who cares if others shunned you for your whore-ary ways, you get to live! Dragons don’t want you and you get to sit back and watch the show.



Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon


In this movie, serial killer Leslie Vernon has an assumed virginal “survivor girl” all picked out for his big night. Later we see her riding a nerdy guy’s johnson like a pogo stick. We discover that it’s Taylor, the real virgin in the movie that must battle Leslie. Sure, the point of him picking her was so she can gain the inner strength to take him on. If Taylor were not hymenally-challenged she would have been overlooked for his choice and went on with her sex-filled life.


(Start at the 3 minute mark)

Once Bitten


A 400 year old vampire who will cease to look young unless she is able to feed on a virgin three times before Halloween. She meets Mark, one of the last virgins in L.A. Mark discovers what’s going on when he mets up with this chick, never gets laid, just bitten.

*Spoiler* In the end Mark and his girlfriend are being chased around the Countess’ house trying to get away before she can bite him a third time and turn him into a vampire. Mark’s girlfriend decides to stop waiting for the right moment and does Mark right there to rid him of his virginity. The Countess’ plan is foiled and she gets old and crusty and he finally gets to be a real man.



The Wicker Man (1973)


Sergeant Howie, a bible thumper, lives a very pure life. He looks down on everything and anything that is against the lord.

He was endlessly tempted on this island yet he kept his morals in check and that ended up being his downfall.

The townsfolk of Summerisle felt that he would be the perfect sacrifice to restore their poor crops.

If Howie would have given in and fucked the landlord’s daughter, they would all be disappointed in him and casted him and his sinning ways aside and he would have went on living.




Hocus Pocus

A curse that when a virgin lights the black flame candle on Halloween light, brings back witches who are after the soul of kids.

Max, a tokin virgin, lights the candle, brings back the witches and has to spend his night destroying them. Yeah ok if Max didn’t light the candle, he wouldn’t have that problem, but if he weren’t a virgin then it also wouldn’t have been a problem.



So here are examples why being a whore, slut, man-whore, man-slut can be a good thing.

*Note to virgins: This post is not to offend you but to show that the people who want to live un-pure lives can still have a good chance of surviving a horror movie, and in these case, a better chance. Hey, I’m just sayin’

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